Mos·qui·to [muh-skee-toh]: any of numerous dipteran flies of the family Culicidae that have a rather narrow abdomen, usually a long slender rigid proboscis, and narrow wings with a fringe of scales on the margin and usually on each side of the wing veins, that have in the male broad feathery antennae and mouthparts not fitted for piercing and in the female slender antennae and a set of needlelike organs in the proboscis with which they puncture the skin of animals to suck the blood.
I·qal·u·it Mos·qui·to [ee-kal-oo-we muh-skee-toh]: any of the numerous demonspawn creatures that terrorize the city of Iqaluit every summer, that are equipped with lancets that impale humans and animals and suck them dry leaving only shrivelled husks behind.
Since this is a shared blog I’ll try to curb my tongue for the greater good of the viewing audience. However when talking about the subject of mosquitoes here in Iqaluit, I may lose myself so I apologize ahead of time.
I remember hearing about them since day one. Everything from how big they were to how they swarm. I heard a particularly funny reference about them that went In the summer, if you hear a helicopter… it’s not always a helicopter. I didn’t think much of it at the time. Besides, I’d been camping more times than I can count. How bloody different could a mosquito be?
I should have had a clue about things to come based on the size of the pterodactyl sized ravens up here. Not to beat a drum to death by saying what’s been said a million times over by now but for those who don’t know be afraid. Be very afraid.
I swear I never in my life seen anything like these things. I’m used to normal skeeters. You know the annoying gnat-sized bugs that you can swat away. First of all these creepy bastards are about the size of houseflies. Batting them away only angers them. Don’t bother using chemicals or sprays either. It only makes gets high and they get really violent then. They’re notorious pack hunters as well. If you stand still for more than 2.4 seconds you’ll be engulfed in the blink of an eye.
Speaking of eyes, they fight dirty as well. They’ll impale (not pierce, puncture or sting) any bit of exposed flesh you have if you give them the opportunity to. I got bit on my eyebrow, my cheek, my ears and my knuckles. Who the f**k bites a knuckle? Honestly? The back of my neck is feels like Braille and probably reads like a Tourettes rant.
They lulled me into a false sense of security. With the longest day behind us I thought that the tales were exaggerated. Summer was in full bloom. The days were sunny and warm and the nights cool and crisp. But then it rained.
And then it rained again.
That’s when they started to appear. They sent their scouts first. They wanted to know what Grade A New York dark meat tasted like. I mocked them as I crushed them in my hands. I made a fatal error though. I didn’t kill all of them. Some returned to their base of operations and gave their leadership a sample of what they imbibed. Weeks later they descended upon the city of Iqaluit like a swarm of locust. The sad part of it all is this is just the beginning according to many I’ve spoken with. If that truly is the case I’m not spending any extended time frolicking outside till I get the hell out of here in August. Bad enough I’m tormented by a never setting sun but now I have to deal with mutant bugs that are hankering for a hunk of Ian. Greeeeat.
I’m kind of regretting signing up to volunteer for Parks Day this coming Saturday. I’ll be working the grill but I think I’m going to be the meal…