If you read our own individual blogs, some of you may have heard that Ian and I had a houseguest for a few weeks. That’s right, Angelina Jolie was visiting us as part of The Jolie Pez Project. There’s even more details about the whole shebang – including some of the participants – right here. It was
a disastrous an interesting experience, to say the least. The Jolie can certainly be a handful, as you may have read about on my blog, and on Ian’s.
She recently continued on her travels to Newfoundland, and once she left earlier this week, Ian and I came across something that we think she left behind – The Secret Diary of The Jolie. We thought we’d share the contents of the diary with you…
I have been enjoying my time here in Iqaluit with Suzanne and Ian. They’ve tried to show me a good time, but neither of them have any idea how much I’ve been learning about hunting. I really need to get out there to experience true survival! The polar bear at that bar we visited was only a taste of what I can do now. I’ve learned how to use a bow and arrows to take down anything! I can’t wait to try out the new techniques…
One of the first beasts I’d really like to try hunting is a muskox. A muskox is a giant mythological creature with curly horns, hooves of steel…and it breathes fire! I read about it in this book. I might be exaggerating about some of its abilities…
But I also read that there aren’t any muskox in Iqaluit, so I’ll have to venture out further. I took a peek at a map that my hosts have, and plotted my course. With the right transportation, I could be hauling a fresh kill back by sundown tomorrow.
Due to the cold temperatures up here, Suzanne made me a parka. I was thankful for it, but didn’t want it to hide my radiant beauty from the world, so I never fastened it up tight.
I needed to look for some transportation. I found a pretty good spot…you can barely even see me up there. Perfect for stealing a ride on something…
From my vantage point, I could see something across the way…a group of…animals perhaps? I’d have to head back to my hosts and return here later – when it was dark.
I snuck out of the apartment while my hosts were cooking dinner. When I returned to the location I had found earlier, I confirmed that there were a number of large dogs…they must be sled dogs! Why they would be perfect! I could hook them up as a team, and they could pull me out on to the land to hunt the mighty muskox!
Of course, I don’t have a sled…so what else could I do? Then I heard it…the rumbling of a huge snow machine. I turned quickly and saw a man heading towards me on his snowmobile.
But he was just too fast. I couldn’t get to him before he drove off. I was sad. At least until I heard what would possibly be my way out. A loud rumbling from afar caught my attention and I walked towards the sound. Of course! The airport! This will be my way out of Iqaluit and up to the high Arctic so I can find muskox!
I decided to return to the apartment so as not to arouse the suspicion of my hosts. I would have a good night’s sleep and set out.
The next morning, I headed back out to the airport. I realized that I would not be able to fly further north…I must have lost my wallet back in New Brunswick in the dulse bin. Foiled!
Besides…I’m pretty sure this sign said “Must be this tall to ride” in its strange hieroglyphs…
Another setback, but not to fear. I noticed a snow-covered mountain that if I scaled, I would be able to see for miles and perhaps come across something to hunt nearby. It was becoming quite evident that the muskox was not to be my prey…and so I climbed.
From the top, I had a great vantage point for wildlife that might be in the area. As I kept my eyes peeled for movement, I noticed something back down at the base. Tracks! Huge tracks! These had to be those of a polar bear for sure. I rappelled down the cliff quickly and rushed to where I saw the tracks. They turned out not to be those of polar bears, but of the local ravens. Those birds are huge! I mean, I’m easily 5′ 10″…and I felt dwarfed by the size of the tracks. Perhaps I could perfect my hunting technique with them…after all, they were everywhere in this city.
Just as I was about to hijack another passing snowmobile rider, I noticed the sun was beginning its descent behind the hills. The day is nearing its end. And soon I will be leaving Iqaluit. Perhaps one day I will return to this land of stark beauty. Of cold ice and snow. Of huge pterydactol-like birds.
Until then…I remain…